| Brian Hayson |
A tribe of pygmies run aqround in the tall savannah grass shouting: 'Where the Fukawi". Later heard it on "F Troop" using "Heckawi". |
| Murray Heasley |
A Jewish fellow in New York collapsed on the sidewalk. A friend saw him and rushed over, asking: "Are you comfortable?" The fellow replied: " I can't complain. I've got a dry cleaners and two jewelry stores." |
| Ian White |
An Chinese man brings Chinese notes to a New Zealand bank to get Kiwi money. The next month he repeats it and when he gets less than before queries the teller who tells him: "Fluctuations". This happens again the following month and when told "flucuations" he yells back: "Fuck you Kiwis". |
| Jim Hoffsis |
There are 10 types of people in the world, those that understand binary code and those that don't |
| 1976 |
Freezing Works workers are on strike. Many are killed but few are frozen. |
| 1977 |
There is a hill with a toilet on the top. A man is on the top, a man is going down and a man is going up. What are their nationalities?
The man on top is European, the man going down is Finish and the man going up is Russian. |
| 1977 Riddle |
A man lives on the 25 floor of an apartment. On rainy days he takes the elevator all the way to the 25 floor. On sunny days he goes up on the elevator 10 floors and then takes the stairs the rest of the way up. Why does he only take the stairs when it's sunny?
Answer: He only takes the elevator on sunny days because he is a little person. On rainy days he has his umbrella and can reach the botton for the 25 floor. On sunny days he doesn't have his umbrella so he can't reach the botton for the 25 floor, he can only reach the botton for the 10 floor. So, he has to take the stairs for the other 15 floors. |
| 1981 |
Did you hear about the new bra that is covered with many multicolored squares and is difficult to open? Its called Rubics Boob. |
| 1981 |
Why wasn't Christ born in (fill-in-the-blank). They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin. |
| Classic |
Mexican fellow was in LA and wanted to see a baseball game. But he had no money so he climbed to the top of the flag pole in center field. When her got back home he was asked how he liked the gamer. He said it was great. Before the game began evryone stood up and looked him and asked: "Josè can you see?" |
| 2013 |
A guy raises his glass and toasts his blonde girlfriend. He smiles broadly and says, "May you be in Heaven a half-hour before the devil knows you're dead."
"What's that mean?" she asked.
"Oh, that is an authentic Irish toast," he explained, patiently.
His girlfriend decided to offer her own: "In that case, here's to bread, eggs and cinnamon."
"Bread, eggs and cinnamon? What is that?" he asked.
"That's French toast." |
| 20xx Mike Howlett |
A blonde boards a plane, flying economy...
Once the plane has taken off, and the seatbelt signs have turned off, she gets up, takes her stuff, and moves a few rows forward to an unoccupied first class seat.
One of the cabin crew approaches her, and politely says "excuse me madame, but you can't sit here. This is a first class seat, and you've only paid for an economy seat. I must kindly ask you to return to the seat you paid for."
She looks up at the attendant, and quite pompously announces "I'm young, I'm beautiful, I'm flying to Los Angeles, and I want to fly first class, so I'm not moving."
The attendant retreats, somewhat flustered. He speaks to the cabin chief, who approaches the woman and tells her the same thing: "madame, please return to the seat you bought."
The same response... "I'm young, I'm beautiful, I'm flying to Los Angeles, and I want to fly first class. I'm not moving."
The cabin chief speaks to the cockpit crew. The copilot smiles and says, "don't worry - I'm married to a blonde, I know how to speak to them." He calmly gets up and approaches the woman, asking her to move. Same response. Then he bends down and whispers something to her, whereupon she promptly gets up, takes her belongings, and returns to her original seat.
The cabin crew are stunned. The chief approaches the copilot and asks, "what the hell did you say to her?!"
"It's quite simple really. When she said she was flying to Los Angeles, I said: yes madame, but you see, first class isn't going to Los Angeles, only economy is." |
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